I think I should change my blog picture header! It's now starting to freak me out!

Enough of me. I have just received a FB message from him. And he is still madly inlove. Should I get mad? Should I get hurt? Should I say that he has just made it worse?

For several years that we have been sharing secrets and telling unsolicited advices with each other, it has come to my attention that he has a life of his own now and we are growing apart.

Was he brainwashed by his new found love? Will I soon to be just the friend whom have been a part of his life? Will I be the "past-tense"?

Mr. Boogaboo, Miss Hushy misses her friend so much.

He told me how he felt... 3 weeks ago.

I was so shocked that I never had a chance to react. He was so happy and I can't do anything about it. He is my friend and I will do everything for him as I do everything for my other friends.

He looked so in-love! He looked so relaxed. Wrinkles were not visible that day. He was very fine. He locked a smile on his face and kept dreaming of that wonderful day.

He is inlove with someone else....

November 1.
1st day of the month
1st day of a project-less career (since my rolled-off date was Oct 31)
and the countdown begins...

There's a lot of first in this beginning of month. Though it supposed to be the All Saints Day (yes! bukas dapat ang UNDAS) it doesn't look like people are killing time in the cemetery. People are malling! woot! woot!

And I was one of them.

After sending off my nephew to the hospital, my mom and I went to Tri-noma for a shoe shop! Not for my new job, as I know you are thinking rigt now, but for my sister's wedding. I wonder where godzilla buys his shoes.... because I can't find one that fits! arrrgh! So it would be another Sunday for me to wander all over Cubao to get that pair! But well, as I don't want to go home empty handed, I forced mother goose to accompany me for clothes. Not that I am going to bring it all to my new homeland, but because I want to see myself more confident and fashionable despite of my mosnstrous built.

I am paranoid.

I am living in paranoia for quite sometime, or almost all of my life.  It is hard to live with full of insecurities and feeling of un-loved. But well, this is one thing that I have to overcome when I go out of this country. And as a start of it, spending 10k for makeup, accessories and new clothes are some of the ways to beat insecurity and snubbing someone who makes you feel jealous and paranoid is the other way.

1. 6 cups broccoli florets
2. 6 cups cauliflowerets
3. 2 cups cherry tomatoes, halved
4. 1 large red onion, sliced
5. 1 (6 ounce) can pitted ripe olives, drained, sliced
6. 1 (1 ounce) package ranch salad dressing mix
7. 2/3 cup vegetable oil
8. 1/4 cup vinegar

In a large bowl, toss the broccoli, cauliflower, tomatoes, onion and olives. In a jar with a tight-fitting lid, combine dressing mix, oil and vinegar; shake well. Pour over salad and toss. Refrigerate for at least 3 hours.

Thanks to

http://food.yahoo.com/recipes/taste-of-home/114771/colorful-vegetable-salad

I thought I was in a movie.... you are my leading man and I am your girl. Turns out that we're not. And....

There's NO Happy Ending after all!

Life is no fairy tale where every lady has her prince charming. There may be a witch who hinders thy love but a kiss seals a love that conquers all.

Maybe I was too assertive about my feelings when I wrote the Main Purpose. I never even realized that I still don't know the person I thought I was inlove with. Still inlove, but now with doubts.

Who is MR. LEFT?

Is he coward, timid to express his emotions? Afraid to be rejected? Or he is so proud to admit it? Does he really care about his peers' feelings or he's just a careless soul wandering and making fool in this world?

Is he in bitterness from a love that was lost several months ago? Is he trying to get back the heart that he owns? Is love never begone?

Is he in loneliness for the betrayal of destiny that brought him in so much pain.

I am wishing to mend a heart, but all is not possible unless answers has been given.

Why am I here?            To work

Why am I still here?      Because I'm inlove

To whom?                     To some guy I met somewhere in the office

I left my hometown with a heavy heart. I promised myself never to fall again and get hurt. I completely decided to focus on creating money and not to look for honey. But as a hopeless romantic I am, again I was fooled by my own heart. Fell inlove with someone I knew for a month. Someone who never crossed in any of my dreams, never a candidate, never the right guy.

He is MR. LEFT.

Always on the left side of everything. Always not in the perfect time, not in the perfect place, not in the perfect world. He was never right for me in any aspect, in any level, in everything.

(slap me in the face)

Am I in denial? He's the best among those who mistakenly walked in my front yard. He has a job, he has a good sense of humor, he's smart (but not as smart as ABIN), he's not so good looking but has the looks  that would make some girls turn their heads (left to right 3x, then say tsk tsk tsk). He walks funny but stands perfectly fine. Not so the gentleman type of guy but somehow knows how to respect a woman. He's just the perfect man that I can be proud of. But he stands on left side of my life. And still... he makes me smile.

I have few days left. To tell him how I really feel or to let it go and forget everything happened in the past two weeks.

"Mas lalo ko napatunayan na dapat nko maggiveup. sayang kung kailan mahal ko na cya"

Do you still remeber the day you said you hate this song but loved the lyrics? This is what we are....

‘Di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
‘Di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, ‘di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam
Sana’y nagtanong ka lang
Kung ‘di mo lang alam

Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo

Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
‘Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
‘Di mo lang alam
Ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

‘Di mo lang alam
Kahit tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Napapaligaya lang sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako’y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman

Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

‘Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s’ya na lang
Sana’y ako naman
Isang kindat man lang
‘Di mo lang alam
O, ika’y minamasdan
Sana iyo’y mamalayang di mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo

Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako’y iyong nasaktan

San ka na Al?

Are you still going to keep your promise?

I can't deny that even I'm now in the process of moving on.... This song is the perfect feeling I have for you since the day I fell inlove with you.

Di ko man maamin
Ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
Di ko man maisip
Sa pagtulog ikaw ang panaginip
Malabo man ang aking pag-iisip
Sana'y pakinggan mo ang sigaw nitong damdamin

[chorus]
Ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sayong yakap ako'y nasasabik

Ayoko sa iba
Sayo ako ay hindi magsasawa
Ano man ang iyong sabihin
Umasa ka ito ay diringgin
Madalas man na parang aso't pusa
Giliw sa piling mo ako ay masaya

[repeat chorus]

[coda]
Pilit mang abutin ang mga tala
Basta't sa akin wag kang mawawala

Ako'y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako'y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sayong yakap ako'y nasasabik

Pagkat ikaw lang ang nais makatabi
Malamig man o mainit ang gabi
Nais ko sana iparating na ikaw lamang
Ang siyang aking iibigin